About boys

I’ve been a mother of a boy for six years now and I’ve noticed a few things while raising my little man – I wonder if other mothers of boys have noticed the same things …

– Boys will describe every single bowel movement they ever do. ‘I did three little ones and a medium sized one.’ ‘It looks like a horse shoe.’ And so on.

– Boys don’t walk. They gallop, run, dance, skip, twizzle, stop, go. Even holding a boy’s hand gets exhausting.

– Everything is treasure. Stones, feathers, shiny objects, sticks and particularly other people’s rubbish.

– Their hands spontaneously form fists; it isn’t necessarily that they like to fight, so much as that their bodies have a physical reaction to every emotion.

– If my boy is grumpy it’s because he needs food or exercise. Period.

– Boys are very impressed by older boys.

– Boys are always covered in cuts, scrapes and bruises. If you’re going somewhere special, that’s when he’ll go flying and end up with a) a black eye b) ripped trousers or c) a gruesome looking cut.

– Boys grow at a ridiculous speed. Just when you think you’ve got them sorted for the winter, you realise that they grew out of everything a week ago.

– Boys choose clothes for comfort. They don’t care what they look like. If it’s soft they’ll wear it, if it isn’t they won’t.

– But given a choice, boys like to be naked. They just do. It probably gives them easier access to …

– Their penises. Boys love them. It’s their first toy, a source of endless fascination and comfort. He will hold it when going to sleep at night and play with it when watching the television. It’s normal. Apparently.

– Boys eat snot and, when challenged, claim it’s delicious. That’s normal too. Apparently.

– Boys can be quick to anger, but are also swift in getting over it. They can’t understand why their sister is still cross with them an hour after they upset her.

– Talking of which, boys wind up their siblings by stealing and hiding their stuff. The more precious the object, the funnier they find it. They don’t understand why this upsets people.

– Boys have endless energy. They don’t slow down from the moment they wake till the moment their head hits the pillow at night.

– Boys love, deeply, intensely and expressively. They will hug you, pull you in for a spontaneous kiss, curl up on you on the sofa like dogs and tell you how much they love you.

While writing this I realised how much my little boy makes me smile.

I’m so glad that the book I just wrote has a teenaged boy as the Main Character, because while I’m not sure if Riley will enjoy Angel’s Fury or The Weight of Souls in a few years, I know the little guy whose favourite book for ages was Captain Flinn and the Pirate Dinosaurs, will really love Toby and his ship, The Phoenix.

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